What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y

What did one Angel say to the other ?
Halo there

How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year"

What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A merry Christmas to ewe

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train home?


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oakham
Oakham who?
Oakham all ye faithful

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again


What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it

Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach

What's beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?
Cinderellephant

What's the scariest pantomime?
Ghouldilocks and the three bears

On which side of the house did Jack's beanstalk grow?
On the outside

What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs?
Someday my prints will come

What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A flying car-pet

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs

How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it

Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy

How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognised

Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones

Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them

What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer

What’s the difference between a biscuit and a reindeer?
You can't dunk a reindeer in your tea

If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one?
A retail shop

Why don't reindeer like penguins?
They can't get the wrappers off

Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch

What did the dog say to the reindeer?
Woof, woof

What’s the difference between a reindeer and a grape?
They're both purple, except for the reindeer

What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
Frost bite

What's white, furry and smells of mint?
A polo bear

What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats

What did the snowman order at McDonalds?
Icerbergers with chilli sauce

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost

Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?
Santa Paws

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
Because he's Sooty !

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claus-trophobic.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.

Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna.

Teacher: Why did you bring that Christmas plant to school?
Student: Don't worry. It's just for the holly-days.





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